....THAT THE ONLY THING BETWEEN THE LEAKING UPSTAIRS TOILET AND YOUR FLESH IS - YOU GUESSED IT - DUCT TAPE!FORMER MAINTENANCE SUPERVISOR CONFESSES - SEWAGE LEAKS ARE PATCHED UP WITH DUCT TAPE!
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD WEAR A SLICKER NEXT TIME YOU USE YOUR BATHROOM.
Harpers Forest in Columbia, Maryland offers a variety of floor plans and amenities that meet a wide range of tastes and needs. The apartment amenities range from Air Conditioning. YES IT'S TRUE THAT SOME OF OUR TENANTS HAVE GONE THE ENTIRE SUMMER SEASON WITHOUT A WORKING AIR CONDITIONER BUT THOSE TENANTS ARE VERY DEMANDING. THEY THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE THE APARTMENT WE SHOWED THEM WITH EVERYTHING IN WORKING ORDER THE DAY WE HOOD-WINKED THEM INTO SIGNING A LEASE WOULD BE THE SAME APARTMENT THEY WOULD GET. SOME PEOPLE! Controlled Access. WELL IT'S CONTROLLED BUT NOT BY US - BY THE HOODLUMS WHO SLEEP IN THE STAIRWAY AND MUG YOU AS YOU COME HOME FROM WORK ON PAY DAY. COLUMBIA, Md. (AP) - Howard County police say a Baltimore man broke into his ex-girlfriend's apartment and stabbed her current boyfriend. It happened early Sunday morning in the 5900 block of Turnabout Lane. Police say the two were in the bedroom when they heard the front door being kicked in. Courtyard. THIS MUST BE A MISPRINT. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY COURT-YARD IT'S JUST COURT. THE HOWARD COUNTY COURTHOUSE - BECAUSE IF YOU EVER REFUSE TO PAY ANY OF THE ILLEGITIMATE FEE'S WE BILL YOU FOR - LIKE THE $25.00 WE CHARGE FOR BEDROOM BLINDS - YOU CAN BE CERTAIN WE WILL HAVE YOUR BUTT IN THE COURTHOUSE. I THINK THEY DO HAVE A 'YARD' AT THE JAILHOUSE - MAYBE THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT. IT'S NOT A MISPRINT AFTER ALL. Disability Access. WELL THE DISABLED ARE WELCOME TO ACCESS OUR BUILDINGS ANYTIME THEY WANT - BUT IF YOU MEAN SOMETHING LIKE THOSE SLANTED SIDEWALKS THAT MAKE IT EASY FOR THE DISABLED TO ROLL UP THE RAMP TO THEIR APARTMENT -NO. WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD CO$T? WE SUGGEST OUR DISABLED TENANTS LEARN HOW TO ROLL OUT OF THEIR WHEELCHAIR AND THEN JUST REACH BEHIND THEM AND PULL THE CHAIR UP OVER THE CURB. NOW I'LL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT THIS NEXT STEP REQUIRES A LITTLE ANTI-GRAVITY FEAT BUT OUR DETERMINED DISABLED RESIDENTS ARE REALLY DOING QUITE WELL. I MEAN AFTER ALL NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION - RIGHT? SOME HAVE LEARNED THE HARD WAY THAT IF YOU JUST SIT THERE IN THE STREET LONG ENOUGH IT EVENTUALLY GETS DARK AND COLD AND IF YOU DON'T WANT FROSTBITE YOU JUST PROPEL YOURSELF UP INTO THAT WHEELCHAIR AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE - RIGHT? I THINK THEY CALL THAT THE MIND OVER MATTER PRINCIPLE BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE SUCH DARLINGS TO WATCH - GOD LOVE 'EM - THEY ARE JUST SO DETERMINED TO BE JUST LIKE THE REST OF US. BUT THE MANAGEMENT STAFF HERE AT HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS GIVE THEM PLENTY OF SUPPORT. IN FACT JUST THE OTHER DAY I WAS WATCHING ONE OF OUR NEWER DISABLED RESIDENTS WHO JUST SEEMED TO DEFY THE FORCE OF GRAVITY AND LEVITATE BACK INTO HIS CHAIR. WHERE THERE'S A WILL - THERE'S A WAY - THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY! I MUST ADMIT THAT THE SIGHT OF 2 MASKED GUN MEN RUNNING TOWARDS HIM WAS ALL THE MOTIVATION HE NEEDED - ESPECIALLY WHEN HE SAW ME TAKE OFF BACK TO THE SAFETY OF MY RENTAL OFFICE. SO YOU SEE - SINCE I ABANDONED HIM ON THE COLD PAVEMENT HE WAS ABLE TO FIND THE STRENGTH HE NEEDED TO SURVIVE - THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT TOUGH LOVE IS. I KNOW BECAUSE I HEARD DR. PHIL SAY SO - AND WE ALL RESPOND TO THAT - DO WE NOT? GOD LOVE 'EM. I KNOW HE MADE OUT OK BECAUSE THE NEXT MORNING I SAW HIS SHAKEY LITTLE HANDS TRYING TO SEPERATE THE SLATS IN THE BEDROOM MINI-BLINDS WE JUST $OAKED HIM ON. IN FACT HE WAS STILL SHAKING SO MUCH THAT HE COULD HARDLY KEEP THE SLATS OPEN LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IT WAS JUST LITTLE OL' ME. OF COURSE IT WAS RENT DAY AND A GOOD LANDLADY ALWAYS GETS HER RENT - DOESN'T SHE? AS YOU KNOW IT'S MY TAX DOLLARS THAT SUPPORT THOSE PEOPLE - SHOULDN'T I GET A RETURN ON MY INVESTMENT? BUT YOU KNOW BEING A SLUM...UH.. I MEAN,,,,. UH...LANDLORD IS SUCH A THANKLESS JOB. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THESE POOR PEOPLE WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING OTHER THAN HARPERS FOREST APARTMENTS. THEY'RE DOING THE BEST THEY CAN BUT THEY'RE JUST NOT LIKE THE REST OF US - YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN DON'T YOU? GOT TO LOVE THEIR SPIRIT THOUGH - GOD LOVE 'EM! DEHUMANIZING - YOU SAY? NOT AT ALL. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT ARE TOUCHY-FEELY TYPES AND WE DON'T RENT TO THEM ANYWAY. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH WORKING FOR - RIGHT? IT TAKES PRACTICE BUT OUR BELOVED AND WONDERFUL DISABLED RESIDENTS HAVE LEARNED TO MANAGE. BESIDES WE CAN ALL USE A LITTLE TOUGH LOVE NOW AND THEN DON'T YOU THINK? OUR LAWYERS EVEN SAID CLAIMING Disability Access IS VERY PROFITABLE IN A PLANNED AND PROGRESSIVE COMMUNITY LIKE COLUMBIA - YOU KNOW WHAT A HOTBED OF BLEEDING HEART LIBERALS LIVE HERE - DON'T YOU? AND THEY SAY WE SHOULD INCLUDE IT IN OUR ADS BECAUSE IT MAKES US SOUND COOL LIKE THE REST OF THESE TOUCHY - FEELY TYPES. Extra Storage. YES IT'S TRUE WE HAVE SOME EXTRA STORAGE SPACE AVAILABLE FOR THOSE WHO CAN AFFORD A COUPLE EXTRA GREEN ONES TO PASS UNDER THE TABLE PLUS THERE'S A SHORT WAITING LIST BUT YOU SHOULD GET ONE BY THE TIME YOU SIGN ANOTHER LEASE. Patio or Balcony, NO NO NO. THERE ARE NO BALCONIES HERE. NEVER HAVE BEEN. NEVER WILL BE. JEEEEEEZZZ! WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR $1000 A MONTH? I MEAN WE'RE A BUSINESS. WE HAVE TO MAKE A PROFIT. THAT LEXUS OUT FRONT DIDN'T COME CHEAP! Pets Allowed. ACTUALLY THIS SHOULD READ 'PETS REQUIRED' IF YOU DON'T BRING YOUR OWN - WE WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH A COUPLE LIKE WILLARD AND PENELOPE BELOW. See photos, amenities, pet policies, property details and much more by going to -
http://harpersforestapartments.blogspot.com/
OR
where you will have instant access to the truth about the HARPERS FOREST APARTMENT COMMUNITY!
